Won’t I be my Valentine?

Almost a year ago, I set some next steps to move my career forward.  I then proceeded to procrastinate on taking those next steps for months.  I had some good excuses to procrastinate.  When those cleared up, I finally started asking my prayer partner to pray for me to get these things done.  Nothing budged.  For weeks, I still did nothing.  Worse, I felt really mad at myself.  I was angry at myself every single day for not making progress.  Finally, I hit bottom and I asked my prayer partner to pray for me to love myself madly all day long no matter what I had done or not done.  This felt like a radically dangerous act to me.  Surely if I loved myself unconditionally I would never do one damn thing.  But by this point I did not care.  I wanted only to feel happy with myself.  I couldn’t stand feeling that angry. 

 That very day that I prayed to love myself no matter what I had an amazing experience.  I not only felt wonderful all day long but in the afternoon, between two other appointments, without in any way planning to do it, I got 90% of what I had been procrastinating done in about an hour.  What?  This made no sense.  It just got done AND I loved myself all day. Since then I’ve been experimenting with unconditional self love.  On the days that I do it in order to get myself to produce, it doesn’t seem to work.  On the days when I really truly release any idea of my having to earn it or produce a result, it is amazing.