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I wrote yesterday about how I’ve been experimenting with unconditional self love. It probably
wasn’t out of the blue that I was able to contemplate this action of praying
for self love. A few years back, I happened
to catch Christine Arylo as the featured speaker at a Sunday service. I have no
idea what she said but I connected with her talk enough to buy her book, Madly In Love With Me. I hated the cover. I hated the title (it’s very much written for
women and girls but it could assist anyone). Yet the book was a revelation for
me because I had never understood how I could be simultaneously have such high
self esteem and have NO problem making time for self care, yet mentors would
suggest that I needed more self love.
What? What is self love if not
esteem and care? Well now I know. Arylo identifies and explores ten different
types of self love. She provided quizzes
to assess which types we are strong or weak in.
You can take the quiz online now (it’s not as extensive as those in the
book but it gives you a snapshot of where you are). Self Love Quiz
It turns out while I score relatively high on self
awareness, honesty, care, trust, esteem, empowerment, pleasure and expression, I
fall down hard on self compassion, forgiveness, respect and honor. Reading this book awakened me to how I
simultaneously appreciate and esteem myself, while at the same time I am angry
and judgmental towards myself much of the time.
Paradoxically, knowing how little compassion I have had for myself has
given me compassion for myself. More and
more, when I feel angry and judgmental towards myself I put my hand on my heart
and think how I would feel if I had a young granddaughter or a pet. Would I be angry at her for making a
mistake? Or would I just bring her onto
my lap and give her a hug and tell her that it’s okay?
Lately I am leaning towards the latter. My previous post shows what was at stake for
me in displaying this level of unconditional love towards myself. If I am loving and kind to me no matter what,
I fear I will never accomplish anything or get anything done. And, yes, as frightening as that is, that has
to be okay.
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