Tuesday, December 31, 2019

Happy/Sad 2019


As 2019 screams to a close, feelings are a mixture about the year.  Here's a list of things I'm happy to see go (some personal, some in the world) and those I am so grateful for:
Happily letting go of:
  • 20 people in a Democratic Primary debate (and many of those people as candidates)
  • Bret Kavanaugh
  • Putting on a show every single Sunday
  • Mass Shootings becoming common place
  • All the stuff that we threw out when our closets collapsed
  • Expectations about the people around me
  • the illusion that I don't have time to write
  • False feelings of lack
  • Conditional self love
Sadly saying goodbye to:
  • Our mother living in our family home of 54 years
  • San Diego as a home base
  • Being a pastor of Center for Spiritual Living, Davis
  • June Cummins Lewis
  • A friendship that recently ended
  • Watching so much televison

Monday, December 30, 2019

Are you willing to destroy the conclusion that you have to choose between fulfilling your dreams and having a family?


All the thoughts, beliefs, opinions and conclusions that you have had in this lifetime or any lifetime that you had to choose between fulfilling your dreams and having a family, are you willing to destroy and uncreate them all? 

In this short video I employ a technique to clear your limiting beliefs about fulfilling your dreams and the next steps to doing so.  

My clearings are what is known as "Spiritual Mind Treatment" taught by Centers for Spiritual Living and incorporate language and concepts from Access Consciousness such as the Clearing Statement.

All is Well Institute is a ministry of mine that teaches and supports people in healing themselves from chronic pain and chronic physical ailments using meditation, forgiveness, prayer and other tools when other treatments have stalled progress.

To apply for support in the care circles, find out about classes or arrange for a private session with me or one of our other practitioners, contract us at InfoAllisWellInstitute at Gmail.com or follow us on Facebook.


Sunday, December 29, 2019

What's the Difference Between Making a New Year's Resolutions and Forming a New Habit?

I avoid New Year's Resolutions, but I DO like jump starting a new habit by trying it for 30 days straight.  Really what is the difference?  Here's how they seem different to me:

The very notion of New Year's Resolutions (which I used to revel in) implies that with the power of my mind, starting in the new year, I can do something that I've not been or willing or able to do up until that point:  start exercising, stop eating certain things, cut down on drinking, stop feeding the neighborhood rats, whatever.

This is a weird one for me because I'm practiced in how to work reliably with spiritual principle.  I DO believe in the power of the mind. I DO believe that if I change my thinking I can change my life.  I DO believe in miracles and that old thoughts beliefs patterns and ideas can shift quickly and that it CAN be easy.

However, I also know that research and my experience shows that most of the thoughts I think today or tomorrow are the thoughts I thought yesterday.  And I know that thoughts create my reality.  So if I create a New Year's Resolution such as "Starting January 1, I will no longer eat chocolate chip cookies" and if I focus on it will my might and all my will, all my body will hear is "chocolate chip cookies" and it will say YES to that.  (It is occurring to me even as I write that while I don't have chocolate chip cookies, maybe I do have chocolate chips somewhere) As far it as my body is concerned, I took my basic interest in chocolate chip cookies up a notch and it helped me get there.

If we change a pattern of thinking we will have a new experience but, as the example above shows, "resolution" alone is not enough to break a pattern of thinking.  In Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself, Dr. Joe Dispenza unpacks the science that shows why and how it is so difficult for us to change a pattern of thinking or behavior.  Habits produce neural pathways in our brain which are well-worn grooves down which the thoughts beliefs opinions we had yesterday will drive us to "take that yesterday and plop it down on our tomorrow."

Are there are ways to change these patterns of thinking?  What Centers for Spiritual Living/Science of Mind has taught as "Spiritual Mind Treatment" for close to a century, Dr. Joe Dispenza now teaches as scientifically proven meditation. In both we unite with all there is and we create a new reality and collapse that new thought/reality/consciousness into a new real experience.  This can happen instantly but it can also take loving practice and support.

One reason 12 step groups such as Alcoholics Anonymous (or Overeaters Anonymous, Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous, Workaholics Anonymous, Debtors Anonymous, Gamblers Anonymous, Codependents Anonymous, you name it) work for many is that they provide a structure of social support coupled with deep honesty to focus on the present moment.  All of that makes a new habit, one day at a time, possible.

Social science research shows that it takes 30-40 days to establish a new habit.  If one has an addiction, it might take a lifetime to prevent relapse to the old habit.  I'm a big fan of trying something new for 30 consecutive days.  During those days, I always count the days.  If I skip even one day, it's back to day one.   This is not to be rigid or inflexible.  It's because it takes 30 CONSECUTIVE days, not non consecutive days.  If I want something to become easy, at first I have to be extremely consistent about it.   

I also check in with an accountability partner about it.  I tell them that I'm going to do it.  I tell them that I did it.   And I tell them if I'm in danger of not doing it.  

Many of the things that I have started (or given up) for 30 days have evolved into lifelong habits.  Some of have flamed out.  If my old habit proves to be exceptionally difficult and exceptionally harmful to myself or others, it may be an addiction which takes even more help (see above).  Whichever they are, they aren't resolutions anymore because I am not pretending to myself that all by myself, without help, I can suddenly change something that I haven't been able or willing to by myself before.  YOU might be able to, but I'm not.


Saturday, December 28, 2019

Clearing Limiting Beliefs About Family in the Holidays

In this short video I employ a technique to clear your limiting beliefs about family in the holidays. My clearings are what is known as "Spiritual Mind Treatment" taught by Centers for Spiritual Living and incorporate language and concepts from Access Consciousness such as the Clearing Statement.

All is Well Institute is a ministry of mine that teaches and supports people in healing themselves from chronic pain and chronic physical ailments using meditation, forgiveness, prayer and other tools when other treatments have stalled progress. 

To apply for support in the care circles, find out about classes or arrange for a private session with me or one of our other practitioners, contract us at InfoAllisWellInstitute at Gmail.com or follow us on Facebook.

Friday, December 27, 2019

The Accidental Collector Part 1: The End of Pigs

Does anyone really set out to become a collector?  I sure didn't.  In my fifty-eight years on the planet, I have accidentally come to preside over two separate collections, one of pigs and one of nativity scenes.  This post will cover the former.  And it's possible that there will be a second post that will cover the latter.

The first accidental collection started when I was about 12 and became enamored with actual pigs and pic facsimiles.   While I never desired a collection, I liked everything about pigs.  Word got out and by the time I entered my freshman year of college, people had begun to give me not only stuffed pigs but pig salt and pepper shakers, pig placemats, piggy strings of lights, all of it.  At some point, without setting an intention, without wanting particularly wanting it to happen, I had transitioned from someone who likes pigs to becoming a pig collector.  

When I was a person who merely liked pigs, it really didn't matter what kind of pig item people gave me and it didn't matter how I stored it or whether I displayed it.  But the moment I became a pig collector, I now was in possession of enough pigs that I did not want people to give me run-of-the-mill pig items.  I wanted precious, unique pigs, pigs I could get nowhere else.  The problem is that back then, there was no internet and no way for anyone else to easily discern what was a proper gift to a pig collector.  



And display of the pigs was ALWAYS a problem.  At the height of my pig collection, I was in my late twenties.  We didn't yet own a house.  The house we rented was of modest size and nothing we owned lent itself to proper display of a pig collection, whatever that might be.  Knowing that we'd only have to move it to whatever home we did eventually plan to buy, we were in no mood to invest in any of the large unwieldy pieces that might have enough compartments and glass to lend themselves to pig display.  

I was done with it.  Before we moved, I threw an "end of pigs" party to announce to all our friends that I was no longer into pigs and they were no longer to give them to me.  Fortunately, the "end of pigs" party concept was a huge draw.  Unfortunately, that forced me to make additional pig-related purchases.  I was particularly thrilled by a stamp I found with a pig's butt on it.  Everyone who entered the party was greeted by me wearing a pig snout and carrying the stamp and an ink pad so that I could stamp their hand with a pig's butt and say "get it, end of pigs?!"  

Whatever else happened, I remember this as an amazing party although its possible that I'm conflating with another we threw in that house where the pizza took forever to come and all we had was vodka and Madonna videos for a very long time.


Recently, about 30 years later,  I found behind the Christmas boxes the "End of Pigs" party box (correctly labeled).  In it was a dried ink pad but not the stamp, a string of broken pig lights and a large wind-up pig or two.  I threw it all out.  You heard me.  Not composted.  Not recycled.  Not even Goodwill.  We're talking landfill, baby.  That, I have to say, was the real end of pigs.

Thursday, December 26, 2019

Beware the Day After

For the past few years, I've gotten pretty good at "getting through" challenging periods of life without using extra food, treats, or other destructive behaviors to cope.  But the "day after" is another matter.   What can I do to rid myself of "day after syndrome?"

Whether the "temporary" challenge is something as common as the holidays, a houseguest or a busy time at work, or whether its a big transition like a close relative dying, a move or a job loss, my thinking is the same:  I can get through this.

That thinking is MUCH better than my previous belief which was "I can get through this with more X" where X = your favorite substance or coping mechanism.  Mine are eating (or eating foods that don't serve me), hyper scheduling, controlling, manipulating, managing, spending, diet cokes, Twitter and streaming the golden age of television.  Others might include alcohol, cigarettes, other drugs, porn, gambling or Pinterest (please tell me its not Pinterest).

Miraculously, for years with a lot of help, I've been able to get through many of life's challenges without over-using X to cope or wind down or reward myself.  One day at a time, I no longer believe or need to act upon these thoughts "this is too much for me without (overdoing) X," "I just need X until ..."  "I can't quit (overdoing) X until I get through..." 

Now December 25th or 31st isn't the issue; its the day after Christmas or New Year's that kicks my butt.  My old neural pathways which have lain dormant or rerouted during the holidays or the stressful period are still very much alive and available to lead me to (overdo) X.  The day after whatever they kick in with the very interesting idea "you made through! Congratulations! You deserve a reward!" (and guess what that reward idea always is, a return to X)

There are two questions that help me to avoid a Day After Doomsday.  The most important (and most difficult to believe) thought is this: is it possible that there is no such thing as a day after because there was never anything to "get through?"  Life is life and it contains multiple challenges.  The very notion that there is something to "get through" may be a unhelpful belief which if carried to its logical extension applies to all of life.  Do I want to live my whole life as something to "get through?"

The second question, which helps immensely with the part of me that still believes that there is something to "get through," is this,  what can I reward myself with that is loving and not destructive for me? Note that there are many many people for whom a sugary treat, a special cocktail or impulse shopping may be a loving act, I just don't happen to be one of them at present.  For me, my best ideas involve walks in a different part of town, bubble baths or reading a good book by a fire.  

So, just for today, I let go of the idea of the day after and surrender into the possibility that today is not the day after Christmas but just another Thursday filled with the joy of living.  As the Access Consciousness folks like to ask, how does it get even better than this?  What else is possible?

Wednesday, December 25, 2019

Don't Throw the Consciousness Out with the Christ Child

There are many reasons to judge Christmas: the commercialism, the cultural dominance of one religion over most of the world, and the appropriation of ancient winter solstice traditions without attribution to name a few.  Yet, as we celebrate today the birth of the Christ child, it is worth remembering that "Christ" was not Jesus's last name.  The Christ, derived from the Greek Khristos, means "the anointed one."  

Where I come from we celebrate Christmas Day as an awakening of the Christ Consciousness in the world which came to show us that Spirit is not something separate from us but actually living out its perfect life as us.

If we remember that every character in a story (just like every character in a dream) really represents a part of us, we can perhaps recognize ourselves in the Christmas story (which, full disclosure, I happen to love).  We are shepherds toiling in the field waiting for someone else to save us.  We are the wise men who recognize despite our wealth that something new needs to emerge.  We carry within us the pure love (of Mother Mary) and the much more flawed human love (of Father Joseph).  And we are also the light, the power, and the awesome sovereign possibility of the Christ represented by the newborn baby.  

Christmas comes to remind us who we are, to re-awaken us to our own power, and teach us how to fall to our knees in awe at the creative potential each human being contains within no matter how humble our circumstances.

Today I choose to keep the Consciousness of the Holy Christ burning bright in my hearth as I acknowledge the Christ in the people around me, yes, all of them.

Tuesday, December 24, 2019

The Shiksa Hanukkah

Tonight will mark the third night of "Shiksa Hanukkah," made ever the more shiksa by its coinciding this year with Christmas Eve.   Since I've always had a thing for Jewish men (witness #Bernie2020 lol), I was destined to be a shiksa.  According to the Urban Dictionary definition below, I am the "ideal shiksa...a blonde WASP who looks the opposite of a stereotypical Jew."   I learned the term in college when I travelled to the upper east side to meet my first boyfriend's grandparents.  At the larger family gathering grandpa pulled my bf aside to whisper some sage advice, "shiksas are for practice" came first.  The even more daunty, "scratch a shiksa and you'll find an antisemite," was to follow.

A few years later, I met and married my husband.  Although his mother was very culturally Jewish (which btw makes my husband a Jew under Talmudic law--this is the kind of thing one comes to know as a shiksa), like many American Jews, she was not religiously observant.  As a result, her son/my husband grew up with only a passing familiarity and observance of Hanukkah in the winter and Passover in the spring (and almost none of the highest holy days of Yom Kippur and Rosh Hashanah in the fall).   

Like mothers and aspiring clergy everywhere I appointed myself in charge of my children's spiritual upbringing and determined to raise them with an understanding not only of their WASP (mostly Scottish) heritage but also their eastern European Jewish roots.  Hence over the years, I developed what I like to call, "the Shiksa Hanukkah."  

To celebrate Hanukkah shiksa-style, the responsible shiksa will need the following tools and practices:

  • Look up the Hanukkah dates every year and at least by the second day of the eight day holiday begin to set up the stuff below.

  • Buried somewhere under multiple large unwieldy boxes of christmas ornaments, lights and keepsakes there will be a small cardboard box once marked "Alanon" crossed out and replaced with the word "Hanukkah."
  • In this box there will be
  • one improperly cleaned or stored menorah with bits of wax leftover from previous year.
  • a handful of candles leftover from the previous year that actually fit in that menorah
  • several boxes of candles from previous years that have been determined to NOT fit in that menorah yet are inexplicably stored and retrieved annually
  • two blue and white hacky sack balls and one blue and white beanie baby bear each with a Star of David on them
  • several different dreidels: 
  • one large artistic one that makes better art than dreidel
  • one large plastic one that used to play Dreidel Dreidel Dreidel I made it out of clay and has long since run out of battery--for years no one in the household has energy or wherewithal to remove the 4 tiny screws and see if batteries can be replaced--this spins pretty well for how large it is.
  • one cheap small plastic one that is the only one really fit to play dreidel with (this is essential to have on hand even when there are no children around to play it)

  • Also must retrieve a blue and white tablecloth and napkins wrinkled and poorly folded at the bottom of a heavy plastic tub (awkwardly balanced on the top shelf of the downstairs closet) under 25 equally poorly stored red and green tablecloths, placemats, napkins and dish towels.
  • Helps to have a daughter with facility for languages who dropped out of Hebrew school after 2 months at age eight when she found out that there was a religion associated with it.    She sort of has the Hanukkah prayer memorized.
  • For the eight days of the holiday, about 5 days out of 8 if you're honest, you put the proper of candles out at the beginning of the day.  And, in the unlikely event you have a meal at home together that week, light them in the evening meal with daughter hastily and reluctantly muttering the prayer.
  • It goes without saying that the Shiksa Hanukkah display awkwardly competes with the much larger Christmas festival sprawled all over the house.  Particularly since I have a bit of a Crêche (nativity scene) fetish (which should be a subject of another post, I can't believe it isn't)
    This morning's actual Hanukkah display

     
Compare that with this morning's actual magical Christmas eve display

   



Monday, December 23, 2019

My Christmas Decor Barometer: how happy and healthy am I this year?

Like many moms, when our kids were little, I turned myself inside out to create the right holiday environment, whether convenient or not.  Sleep, serenity and joy were sacrificed to the Gods of Christmas Perfection.   A few years ago, our kids became young adults and for a while I tried vainly to keep up the charade.  I felt guilty if they came home for the holidays to a half-decorated house, even while I was the full time pastor of a busy church with lots of joy and cheer to produce in that house too.  

At that point fate intervened and I hit the skids literally and figuratively with successive knee and wrist accidents that made it all but impossible to cope with the holiday boxes for two to three winters in a row.   No one in the house cared enough about the decorations to help me put them up or take them down, so it was increasingly ludicrous to pretend that I was doing it for them.

This year, as I have transitioned out of being the pastor of a church and my husband and I settle into what promises to be a long (and perhaps permanent) stretch with no young children in the immediate family, I find myself having fully decorated the house again.  

This time it's different.  

I did it slowly over the month.  

I did on full night's sleep.  

I did it without a barrel of sugared treats under one arm and resentment under the other.  

And most of all, I did it for me.  

Next year, who knows what I'll do for me for Christmas?

Saturday, December 21, 2019

California Presidential Election Starts Feb. 3rd--How to Vote in Dem Primary if Not Registered Democrat

Do you have a favorite in the presidential primary?  Are you thinking of traveling to Iowa or New Hampshire because their primaries are so influential? If you are registered no party preference in California, do you know how to vote in the Democratic primary?   

California voters are so used to being irrelevant in presidential elections and pay so little attention to what is going on until the last couple months of the general election that we may not have noticed that 2020 is different.  Here's a chart and some key points to help you through it:

This chart walks you through it.  A couple of points to flesh out:
  • All other races in the state, for state-wide offices on down, are subject to Open Primary law where you can vote for your top pick regardless of party, but this does not apply to the presidential primary.
  • If you are registered No Party Preference (i.e. not registered in particular party) it will be harder to vote in the Democratic primary than ever before.  You will receive a little card in the U.S. snail mail at your registration address (it is beyond the scope of this blog to explain what US mail is.  Suffice it to say that it exists and you do receive it somewhere).  If you want to vote in the Democratic presidential primary, you need to intercept that card and send it back in to request a Democratic primary ballot.
  • If you are registered in the "American Independent" Party or Republican Party or Green Party or any party other than Democratic Party you cannot vote in the Democratic primary.
  • If you want to vote in the Republican primary, you must be registered as a Republican.  The Republican party in California does not allow non Republicans to pick the presidential nominee.
  • If you want to be sure of voting in the Democratic presidential primary the safest thing to do is re-register as a Democrat at your current address
  • Last day to register to vote in California is February 18th.

Monday, December 02, 2019

What "Normal" do we want to return to?

Over the weekend there was a spate of mainstream punditry touching on the idea that a significant portion of the swing or Democratic party electorate wants more than anything "a return to normalcy" as the goal of the 2020 presidential election (middle of the road blah blah columnist David Brooks said exactly that on Meet the Press yesterday in explaining Pete Buttigieg's appeal, New York Times had a piece on people being tired of "fighting"). My husband brought to my attention that exactly 100 years ago, Warren G. Harding had "a return to normalcy" as his slogan in his successful bid for the presidency after World War I.  Not to carry the analogy too far but perhaps if the world hadn't "returned to normalcy" so soon it could have avoided some things like, I don't know, the Great Depression and World War II (which most historians believe was a direct result of hasty resolution of bloody bloody World War I)?

Warren G. Harding: A Return to Normalcy

So let's assume we want to return to something called "normalcy." What then was "normalcy" pre current administration? Obviously normal must have been different for different people.  Do we just want to go back to being asleep to what is going on? Do we want to escape from Donald Trump or do we want to escape from his ripping us out of denial and into actually seeing how and what this country has become? Were we under the illusion that prior to this administration America was a country that worked for everyone? Many of us did not notice when the Obama administration was ramping up deportations and being hardline against immigrants, reauthorizing the Patriot Act, spying on Americans, not shutting down Gitmo (off shore torture and detention without rule of law), shoring up concentrating wealth and power in huge monopolies, enabling 9 million home foreclosures, doing nothing to stop mass incarceration or police racism. Some of us, whether we were post industrial midwesterners scrambling to survive or families of color being victimized by racists policies never left our normal. Some of us who voted for the current administration because we wanted to return to our normal, a normal where we didn't encounter many people who had different skin, sexual orientation, gender ideas than we did.  We had all of these normals and yearnings in the Obama administration and we still have them now.  Others of us are only noticing these policies and their effects now.  Do we want to just stop noticing? or do we want things to change?


This happens in my personal life too.  Something (a car break down, a job loss, an illness) disrupts my normal routine, and all I want is to return to normal even if my normal contained much I didn't care for.

Bernie Sanders and his errant apostle Elizabeth Warren are the only major candidates who are campaigning to address the conditions that actually created and emboldened the current administration.  Pete Buttigieg, Joe Biden and Amy Klobuchar are campaigning on being "reasonable" and "moderate" and living in the "real world."  All Democrats want the "change" of regimes but some disagree on whether they want any change other than regimes.

There is another related group of voters that years for a mythical fantasy time of nonpartisanship and "reaching across the aisle."  There aren't many of these voters but because they are disproportionately swing voters, they perhaps achieve outsize importance and the mainstream cable pundits LOVE to talk about this fantasy.    What most voters and pundits fail to realize is that in the current polarized environment Democrats could reach until their arms are stretched for miles and not catch a Republican hand--there are none outstretched because the base would eat them alive for addressing the issues bipartisanship would lend itself to.  

Likewise anybody who has negotiated anything at all has to realize that it makes no sense to ratchet down expectations in advance of a legislative battle.  Warren's recent move from Medicare for All to Medicare for More makes it less likely that she would even achieve Medicare for More let along Medicare for All.  I worked in the arena of health care politics in Washington and Sacramento for years and this is NOT how it works.  You can't negotiate against your end goal.  To get to where you want to go, you've got to do what Sanders is doing, build a real movement for what we truly want, the whole enchilada, and then figure out how you're going to get there when you've got momentum and pressure to bear.

Woah, this post has swung around a little, what's the point here? the point is that we need to be careful not to tell ourselves stories about some mythical time when bipartisanship and flowers grew in the Congress and presidents were presidential and all was well.