My theory of friendship

I'm not going to write a lot of detail here, just start talking about something I've thought for a long time. There's a mythology out there that the way we get to be friends is by having mutual interests, mutual sense of humor, etc., and there's some truth to that but it's not the whole story.

My experience tells me that the main way I become friends with anyone is by spending time with them. To paraphrase Al Franken on parenting, "forget quality time, try good ol' stinkin' quantity time."

Who are my friends, really? They are: the people I was in plays with in highschool, the people I roomed with in college, the people I drank with in law school, the people I worked next door to in the capitol, the people I live and work with in cohousing, and, more recently, the people in my church and spiritual communities.

Many of my recent friends do not share my political beliefs, my taste in novels, or my deep abiding use of sarcasm. Yet, we are super close.

I am coming to believe that the old adage, "to know someone is to live them" is the truest. I also find it true, however, that "familiarity breeds contempt." The cycle is like this for me:

Phase 1: meet someone, like them or not, form an opinion, a judgment of them;

Phase 2: (must get over an initial negative judgment--only sheer time does this) get to know them a bit and discover that my opinion or judgment was wrong (so, if I thought they were tiresome and boring, I learn that they're not and if I thought they were flawless and brilliant, I learn that they're not).

Phase 3: (must push through disappointment aspect of phase 2 to get to phase 3--only sheer time does this) learn to love them as a 3-dimensional whole person.

I can honestly say that in my intentional community of 25 households, I love each every person here. There isn't anyone here that I wouldn't go to any lengths for. And no, they aren't all my friends, some I love but don't like particularly. Yet, many who are my friends I wouldn't have been friends with had I been trolling for them on the internet. Their personal ad would not have attracted me.

I wonder, could the same be said, at the end of the day, for lovers?

Old City Kites is an Awesome Toy Store

Posted by SaraSNichols at 12/15/2009 10:33 PM PST on The Sacramento Bee
Old City Kites at 1017 Front Street in Old Sacramento is really an awesome toy store and a very fun shopping existence. It frustrates me that they don't advertise themselves better as a toy store because for a small store they are exceptional buyers and truly have some of the best stocking stuffers, the best games, and other imaginative non Toys R Us kinds of toys (but not just kites and wood, really fun toys).

Old Sac is also just a tremendous place to do your christmas shopping period. There's another toy store just down the way that's good. There's a game store. There are good clothing and boutiques. There are antique shops. (assuming they're all still open, which these days gets less and less easy to do.

Five Snouts up for Jhumpa Lahiri's Unaccustomed Earth

(:)(:)(:)(:)(:) for Unaccustomed Earth, a collection of stories by Jhumpa Lahiri (A New York Times Book Review "best book of the year").

Obviously if it's winning this prize from the NYT, many people know about this book, but just to give it my plug. I am not much for short stories. If I like a story, I'm usually upset that it's ending and if I don't like a story, I feel that I've wasted my time and why should I read the next one. So I generally avoid the genre. Every so often a collection comes along that makes me break my general rule (Grace Paley's Enormous Changes at the Last Minute comes to mind). This is such a collection.

I loved every story, but I was not upset to have them end. The endings were so organic that I felt complete, nothing contrived about them. It was if she were simply recording real human moments that happened just so. As the jacket trumpets, she moves the reader from Boston to Seattle to London, focusing on the experience of Bengali transplants to America and their progeny. I found every story fascinating and couldn't wait to get to the next one.

Read this book. Or at least, one story.

Want a cozy fire? Wait 'til next summer...

Posted by SaraSNichols at 12/10/2009 8:40 PM PST on The Sacramento Bee
I love wood fires. I love them in winter. I like them in my fireplace. I like to sit and read and nap and knit and talk in front of fires. I look forward to winter every year because of wood fires. I was slightly peeved when the Sacramento Air Quality District or whatever it is voted to ... Read More »

Four Snouts up for Star Trek on DVD

(:)(:)(:)(:) for Star Trek just out on DVD. I didn't get to see this movie on the big screen. My husband did and gave it uniformly positive reviews, something like "the best action adventure movie since Spiderman 2." To me, that meant, well, it's a good movie, and I would probably like it but it didn't get me to rush out and see it.

Well last night I happened to watch it with my son on DVD. I LOVED it! I might even give it 5 snouts up if it weren't for it being about men in funny shirts in outer space and all (I draw the line at calling a space movie one of the best movies of all time, see the key to my snout-based rating system for questions).

Basically, this movie is great because it's very smart and funny. For an action adventure film it's also relatively light on fight or flight sequences. Mainly, you get to learn how Captain Kirk, Spock, Ohuru, Zulu, Chekov, Bones, etc. got their start on the enterprise. This film does a phenomenal job of bridging generations not only of trekkies but of real people. While I'm laughing hysterically and slapping my thy every time the young Dr. McKoy says, "dammit Jim, I'm a doctor not a transvestite" or something, my 14 year old is charmed by the special effects, or simply by the sight of his mother slapping her thy and shrieking.

I made him play the last sequence where the young Kirk takes command of the U.S.S. Enterprise right before the credits over and over. Priceless!

Great gift idea/One Place Business is Booming

My brother in Oakland turned me onto this microloan organization called Kiva. I figured that by sending them a donation I was doing a good deed, funding microloans for the purchase of a chicken, goat, sewing machine or the like in developing nations.

Well, I was wrong, turns out I was picking one of the most solid investments around today. I donated $50 last December and have received a staggering $200 in dividends to date. What the hell kind of usurious rates are they charging? I don't understand. But turns out there was never a boom in the developing nations so there's not a bust. Sometimes I turn around and reinvest, sometimes I give it to someone else to play with. I mean this is where you should put your savings! Plus you literally can see pictures of the people you're helping and choose which loan you fund. It's really fun. Great gift idea, buy boom stock and help people!

Go to www.kiva.org today!