Why not build trust in your intuition by playing a game like Sudoku?

Recently I accidentally stumbled across a fun and easy way to build my belief in my own intuition and spiritual guidance: Sudoku

I’ve been playing Sudoku on an iphone app on my phone for years.  Not very much, I hasten to say (lest you judge me as “one of those people” who play games on their phone all the time).  Actually, I wish I were “one of those people” who play games on their phone because it might indicate that I had time to do that.  Sigh.  But that’s a different blog post.

No.   I am “one of those people” who play games on their phone while I’m on an airplane or in a location where I have no internet and can’t really work.  And the game I play at those times is Sudoku.  Over the years, I have worked my way up very slowly on this little app from “flash” level to “easy” to “medium” (where I stayed for the past two years) to, very recently, “hard.”

On the flash and easy levels, I used the huge amount of already filled in spots to give me easy clues to what number would go in a particular spot.  There was no guessing really, it was a process of elimination, looking at what numbers were all around it.  By the time I put the number in there, I knew it was right.  For a fact.

But when I got to the “hard” level I realized that I either could not or would not spend the time it took to determine analytically what number went in each spot.  Someone else might be willing to do this. I could see how it could be done.  But I didn’t seem to want to spend my brainpower on it.    Almost always with this game, you can narrow down to 2 numbers that could go in a given square.  One of them is right and one of them is wrong.   Out of sheer impatience, I started guessing--so I got a ton of answers wrong.  

Then I started using a technique cribbed from something called Access Consciousness* which I sometimes use to make difficult decisions.  I sit with the choices and feel each choice and the choice that feels really light and spacious in my chest when I think of it is the choice that will bring the most possibilities and joy in my life – what Access would call the “light” choice but someone else might just call the “right” choice.    So I would narrow down the choice to, say, numbers 4 and 8 and whichever felt lighter, I would put in the box.  And in this app, unlike if you play on paper, you can immediately see whether the choice was right or not.  I noticed that 99 times out of 100, the choice that was lightest was right.  I think that defies the odds which should really be 1 in 2, but what do I know?

After doing this like 30 times, I realized with a flash that this game was an absolutely no stakes way to build my faith in my intuition.  You see what I’m saying?  There is no earthly way that it matters whether I get this wrong.  No bank account or relationship or emotion is depending on me to get the right answer.  And if I’m playing at a level that is hard enough that its more fun for me to guess than it is to figure it out with my earth brain then this actually becomes a more fun game for me: intuition building through Sudoku.

See if I can use this with no stakes matters like Sudoku, I can build the confidence to use it with low stakes matters like which restaurant to go to or whether to say yes to a random invitation or opportunity.   And if I can use it with those things, maybe then I can use it with the really big stuff: career and finances and marriage and housing level stuff. 

Let me hasten to point out the obvious:  you don’t need to use either Sudoku or Access Consciousness to do this test.  Pick your own game with right or wrong answers (I have no idea what that would be, but I’m sure some exist).  Pick your own test of your intuition (some ideas include: muscle testing, another kind of feeling, a pendulum, writing, or something else).

It strikes me that most of us do it the other way around—we turn to our intuition only when desperate, when the stakes appear to be enormous and we have absolutely no idea what to do.  The great thing about the “hard” level of Sudoku is that it is really a no stakes simulation of high stakes, right?  It’s the “hard” level and there’s only one right answer.  And if you pick the wrong numbers it will make a buzzing sound and you’ll “lose” (by getting a low score).  The reptilian or mammalian brain interprets these queues as stakes and generates some of the stress chemicals that real world decisions might activate—which is why people like to play games.  Why not use this environment to build your own ability to handle what really matter to you?

* Access Consciousness teaches some powerful techniques that absolutely work yet indications are that it has some unhealthy business practices and aspects that are sufficiently weird to give one pause.  My approach with them is to take what I like and leave the rest.

What Actually Gets Me to Change?

So I'm preparing to lead this "Illness 2 Wellness" support group for six weeks starting Thursday--very interesting process.  I find that as interested as I am in the tools that have worked for me and others to get well (whole foods, exercise, meditation, gratitude, forgiveness, service), I am perhaps more interested in what gets me to do them.

See, it's my experience that many many people (especially in the new thought or new age world) know (or think they know) what works for them to get well.  For example, I knew for years that if I ate smaller portions of food I would lose weight and keep it off--did I do it?  No.  For years I suspected that if I did daily exercise I would feel better, be happier and lose weight and keep it off--did I do it?  No.

I have more than one friend who struggles with chronic debilitating symptoms that are almost instantly alleviated by eliminating one or more foods (such as sugar or wheat or dairy) from their diet--did they do it?  In most instances, no.

We can know everything in the world about what works for us and be self-help geniuses but if we are not doing it, it's not worth anything.  Who is paying attention to what actually works to get us to change habits?  Who studies it?  In anyone other than rats?  Maybe the focus on the next new diet fad is not so much because we want the easy way out but because we want a way we can do.

Would it be all right with you if life got easier?

Several years ago (I think it was 2005), I attended a 3 1/2 day workshop that significantly closed the gap for me between knowing and doing: that was Mastering Life's Energies taught by Maria Nemeth at the Academy for Coaching Excellence in Sacramento, California--and they pose this question:  would it be all right with you if life got easier?  Years and many workshops later this remains the single most worthwhile educational experience of my life, by yards.

In the years since this workshop, I have been released of 60+ pounds of weight.  My diet and exercise habits have been completely transformed.  I have been given a steady and fulfilling spiritual practice.  Every relationship I have has been strengthened and transformed.  My relationship with money has been healed and transformed.

In this workshop, how to be coachable.  I learned how to actually take the advice I was constantly freely given by the universe and do something different.  And, most importantly, I learned that I can't do it alone.  That I must have other people with whom I check in with on a regular basis and I must have accountability.  It takes 30 consecutive days of doing anything to change a habit.  I cannot flick a switch, set an intention and have a habit changed.  I need to break it down into baby steps, usually with someone else's help.  And I need to say, "today I'm taking this baby step."  And then I need to call the next day and say, "I didn't do it.  Today I'm taking this baby step for real and this is what I'll do differently to support myself in succeeding."  And then I need to call the next day and say, "I did it!  I'm going to do the same thing today!"

I'm not saying you have to take this workshop (although God knows I'd recommend it to anyone for whom this gap seems insurmountable), but if I really want change, I do need support, accountability and small steps.  Twelve step programs provide this for free.  Kaiser Permanente and some other health systems have good support groups set up.  Don't try this alone.