My theory of friendship

I'm not going to write a lot of detail here, just start talking about something I've thought for a long time. There's a mythology out there that the way we get to be friends is by having mutual interests, mutual sense of humor, etc., and there's some truth to that but it's not the whole story.

My experience tells me that the main way I become friends with anyone is by spending time with them. To paraphrase Al Franken on parenting, "forget quality time, try good ol' stinkin' quantity time."

Who are my friends, really? They are: the people I was in plays with in highschool, the people I roomed with in college, the people I drank with in law school, the people I worked next door to in the capitol, the people I live and work with in cohousing, and, more recently, the people in my church and spiritual communities.

Many of my recent friends do not share my political beliefs, my taste in novels, or my deep abiding use of sarcasm. Yet, we are super close.

I am coming to believe that the old adage, "to know someone is to live them" is the truest. I also find it true, however, that "familiarity breeds contempt." The cycle is like this for me:

Phase 1: meet someone, like them or not, form an opinion, a judgment of them;

Phase 2: (must get over an initial negative judgment--only sheer time does this) get to know them a bit and discover that my opinion or judgment was wrong (so, if I thought they were tiresome and boring, I learn that they're not and if I thought they were flawless and brilliant, I learn that they're not).

Phase 3: (must push through disappointment aspect of phase 2 to get to phase 3--only sheer time does this) learn to love them as a 3-dimensional whole person.

I can honestly say that in my intentional community of 25 households, I love each every person here. There isn't anyone here that I wouldn't go to any lengths for. And no, they aren't all my friends, some I love but don't like particularly. Yet, many who are my friends I wouldn't have been friends with had I been trolling for them on the internet. Their personal ad would not have attracted me.

I wonder, could the same be said, at the end of the day, for lovers?

Old City Kites is an Awesome Toy Store

Posted by SaraSNichols at 12/15/2009 10:33 PM PST on The Sacramento Bee
Old City Kites at 1017 Front Street in Old Sacramento is really an awesome toy store and a very fun shopping existence. It frustrates me that they don't advertise themselves better as a toy store because for a small store they are exceptional buyers and truly have some of the best stocking stuffers, the best games, and other imaginative non Toys R Us kinds of toys (but not just kites and wood, really fun toys).

Old Sac is also just a tremendous place to do your christmas shopping period. There's another toy store just down the way that's good. There's a game store. There are good clothing and boutiques. There are antique shops. (assuming they're all still open, which these days gets less and less easy to do.

Five Snouts up for Jhumpa Lahiri's Unaccustomed Earth

(:)(:)(:)(:)(:) for Unaccustomed Earth, a collection of stories by Jhumpa Lahiri (A New York Times Book Review "best book of the year").

Obviously if it's winning this prize from the NYT, many people know about this book, but just to give it my plug. I am not much for short stories. If I like a story, I'm usually upset that it's ending and if I don't like a story, I feel that I've wasted my time and why should I read the next one. So I generally avoid the genre. Every so often a collection comes along that makes me break my general rule (Grace Paley's Enormous Changes at the Last Minute comes to mind). This is such a collection.

I loved every story, but I was not upset to have them end. The endings were so organic that I felt complete, nothing contrived about them. It was if she were simply recording real human moments that happened just so. As the jacket trumpets, she moves the reader from Boston to Seattle to London, focusing on the experience of Bengali transplants to America and their progeny. I found every story fascinating and couldn't wait to get to the next one.

Read this book. Or at least, one story.

Want a cozy fire? Wait 'til next summer...

Posted by SaraSNichols at 12/10/2009 8:40 PM PST on The Sacramento Bee
I love wood fires. I love them in winter. I like them in my fireplace. I like to sit and read and nap and knit and talk in front of fires. I look forward to winter every year because of wood fires. I was slightly peeved when the Sacramento Air Quality District or whatever it is voted to ... Read More »

Four Snouts up for Star Trek on DVD

(:)(:)(:)(:) for Star Trek just out on DVD. I didn't get to see this movie on the big screen. My husband did and gave it uniformly positive reviews, something like "the best action adventure movie since Spiderman 2." To me, that meant, well, it's a good movie, and I would probably like it but it didn't get me to rush out and see it.

Well last night I happened to watch it with my son on DVD. I LOVED it! I might even give it 5 snouts up if it weren't for it being about men in funny shirts in outer space and all (I draw the line at calling a space movie one of the best movies of all time, see the key to my snout-based rating system for questions).

Basically, this movie is great because it's very smart and funny. For an action adventure film it's also relatively light on fight or flight sequences. Mainly, you get to learn how Captain Kirk, Spock, Ohuru, Zulu, Chekov, Bones, etc. got their start on the enterprise. This film does a phenomenal job of bridging generations not only of trekkies but of real people. While I'm laughing hysterically and slapping my thy every time the young Dr. McKoy says, "dammit Jim, I'm a doctor not a transvestite" or something, my 14 year old is charmed by the special effects, or simply by the sight of his mother slapping her thy and shrieking.

I made him play the last sequence where the young Kirk takes command of the U.S.S. Enterprise right before the credits over and over. Priceless!

Great gift idea/One Place Business is Booming

My brother in Oakland turned me onto this microloan organization called Kiva. I figured that by sending them a donation I was doing a good deed, funding microloans for the purchase of a chicken, goat, sewing machine or the like in developing nations.

Well, I was wrong, turns out I was picking one of the most solid investments around today. I donated $50 last December and have received a staggering $200 in dividends to date. What the hell kind of usurious rates are they charging? I don't understand. But turns out there was never a boom in the developing nations so there's not a bust. Sometimes I turn around and reinvest, sometimes I give it to someone else to play with. I mean this is where you should put your savings! Plus you literally can see pictures of the people you're helping and choose which loan you fund. It's really fun. Great gift idea, buy boom stock and help people!

Go to www.kiva.org today!

What's in a name?

I am writing a final exam with a question about the basic precepts of Buddhism including the concept of Nirvana and I remembered this story from my life. I wrote it in the exam to amuse the professor, but I thought it might tickle your fancy as well:

I was once camping in upstate New York with my husband and some other couples. One couple, Chuck and Debbie, arrived later having driven a few hours from Buffalo across the state. They told us that on their drive they drove through the town of Minerva. As they did so, Chuck had said to his wife, “well, Debbie, we can now say that we’ve finally reached Minerva.” Debbie said to Chuck, “Chuck, I know what you’re talking about but I don’t think it’s called Minerva, I think it’s called something else.” For the rest of the camping trip (and indeed to this day), we talked about what it would take to finally reach a “state of Minerva.” I’m sure the goddess of wisdom would be most amused, and the Buddha would love it, because, after all, what's in a name?

Gluten Free Store Booming in Midtown

The Gluten Free Specialty Market in midtown on J street opened last year in the middle of the current economic restructuring and has continued to grow and thrive. Every time I go into the store, owner and sole proprietor, Melanie Weir is beaming about a new display case or refrigerator she's added or a new line she's ... Read More »

When we protect do we deprive?

Today I walked with my almost 13-year-old daughter from our Southside Park neighborhood a few blocks to the Downtown Shopping Plaza to buy a birthday present for a friend of hers. Our route retraced the steps she takes several times on the way home from the bus she takes after school. As we walked along, she pointed ... Read More »

Why am I blogging all of a sudden?

The answer: I decided it was time. I used to blog daily. Then for a long time, largely because of my reactions to my son's extended illness, I have only blogged very occasionally. Now, though my son is still recovering and could be for months, I feel it is time to start again.

Soon, I may even twitter.

How viable is K-8 in Sacramento Area Schools?

Posted by SaraSNichols at 11/26/2009 4:25 PM PST on The Sacramento Bee
For a while I've wondered how viable K-8 schools really are, and lately I think I'm getting my answer: they're not, at least for 7th and 8th graders. What makes me say that? Midtown-based Courtyard Private School has elminated its 7th and 8th grades, reverting to the K-6 that it used to be, while ... Read More »

Whither the Wagon?

Recently my husband and I shopped for a new (to us) vehicle. We wanted a recent model car that was reliable and got decent mileage for a family car. Oh, and we wanted a wagon. I looked up reliable new or slightly used vehicles/wagons on Consumer Reports and found that the Mazda 5 "wagon" is a "Best ... Read More »

Sacramento Opera is for the Masses (Only they don't know it yet...)

Two things:

1) yesterday the Sacramento Bee Sunday paper printed the last NorCal blog I wrote on Local food, so check that out if you haven't.

2) This is my post on NorCal voices today:

Yesterday I saw the current Sacramento Opera production of Elixir of Love by Gaetano Donizetti. I can honestly say that it was hands-down the best production of this opera that I have seen. Okay, prior to yesterday I had not heard of Donizetti or this opera, but I think it was a solid production. ...

How Loco for Local is Sacramento?

Read my post on the Sacramento Bee NorCal Voices blog. I'm going to try to get back into routine blogging, I really am! BTW, attention Buffaloons who read my blog, favorable comparisons are made to your city in this post.

How Loco for Local is Sacramento?
Posted by SaraSNichols at 9/28/2009 10:07 AM PDT on The Sacramento Bee
I've been travelling about the country a bit of late noticing how other crazy other areas are for local produce and I began to wonder, are Sacramentans really as focussed on the local food movement as one would expect? My initial (largely uninformed) thought was, no. My expectations, it seems, are very high. ... Read More

The Quest for the Perfect Wing

Dateline: Buffalo, NY The conventional wisdom has it that Frank & Theresa's Anchor Bar in Buffalo not only invented the Buffalo chicken wing but still makes and sells the best product, but is that true? During our annual pilgrimage to my husband's family home, we decided to put it to the test.

Yesterday, after days of discussion, my son and I drove for an hour and 15 minutes on a "Wing Quest" to pick up 30 wings at each of four popular wing locations in Buffalo: Duff's (home of the "suicide" wing, Motto: mild is hot, medium is very hot, hot is very very hot), Central Park Grill (home of the tangy fresh wing, also the bar I frequented while in law school here 1985-1988), Just Pizza (home of the milder hot wing, Motto: our name is a bloody lie) and, of course, Frank & Theresa's Anchor Bar the founder and defending champion (Anchor bar was by far the most expensive too).

While on the quest, my son and I noted that the customer service over the phone and in person was quick at Duff's, friendly at the CPG, skeptical but efficient at Just Pizza ("no pizza?") and ranging from idiotic to mildly annoyed at Anchor Bar. Inevitably, my son compared the Anchor Bar to the Yankees: on top of the world and arrogant.

The stop at the CPG may have involved the dubious mother-son activity of having him park at my old home across the street and re-enact in rush hour traffic a December 1987 incident involving my weaving across Main street from the CPG at 4am several sheets to the wind only to lose a boot in a snow drift and wander around mid-drift looking for the boot "where's my f***ing boot!" only to nearly be killed by passing traffic on the way home.

We got home safely with 130 (including 10 extra "suicide" wings from Duff to try) tepid wings. N. secured the kitchen while I set up 4 tasting stations with numbers and pads. The assembled dozen of us wandered in, instructed by my daughter as to the rules ("2 each, vote for your favorite, optional ranking of all 4 with comments").

It was really difficult to do the tasting. It's hard to hold a previous flavor in your mouth and compare it to a new one especially when you keep being blasted by lots of hot sauce. We had to keep the carrots, celery and blue cheese dressing coming to keep the pallet even vaguely serviceable.

At the end of the day, the results were a disappointing vindication of conventional wisdom: the Anchor Bar wings won hands down. CPG second, Just Pizza third and interestingly Duff's a distant 4th (except for my father-in-law a heat fanatic). We really wanted it not to be Anchor Bar because the week before my husband purchased 150 wings from them, only to be shorted 45 (even after he asked at the restaurant whether those could really be all 150 in those light boxes). And when we later went back for the additional 45? They were mild, not hot!

With the cost and service at Anchor Bar, even with the superior taste (which some are attributing to a possible lucky pick-up right after a grease change), some in my family are pushing for a change to the CPG. How about that, Central Park Grill? Want to be the official wing of the Nichols-Magavern family? Then we could all stagger across the street after gorging ourselves, wiping the sauce from our face, happy that we only travel to Buffalo in the summer, leaving little chance for snow drifts.

3 1/2 Snouts up for Bruno

(:)(:)(:)(;

Last night in a Buffalo cineplex as my daughter went to see Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince for the second time, I saw Bruno next door. I wasn't sure what to expect. I had found parts of Borat hilarious and have a high tolerance for offensive humor, but I was prepared to have to walk out at some point.

I wasn't disappointed. In the Bflo crowd, some of whom must have been unsuspecting patrons, I was in the minority of those who were doubled over with laughter, but doubled over I was more than once. What does it say about me that I find a fake ludicrous Austrian uber-gay idiot hilarious? Not sure. However, the scene in which he "communicates" with a member of Milli Vanilli through a psychic is one of the most over-the-top insanely funny things I have ever seen. It was a darn good thing that I had so little liquid in my bladder at that precise moment.

Another precious moment for a political junkie was his snuff "interview" with Ron Paul. According to the Huffington Post Ron Paul did not consent to be filmed or participate so that part of the film seems to be documentary. Click here for the HP article, "Bruno Foods Ron Paul"

As Buffalo veteran movie critic (and husband's distant cousin) Jeff Simon put it, you won't want to see this movie if homosexual acts or anything vaguely offensive makes you uncomfortable (or borderline baby abuse, but only implied and ludicrous). I deny it the extra snout and half only because of low production values and the sheer tiny demographic to whom it appeals. I love the thought of random homophobic people wandering in.

Why isn't Sacramento Portland, Oregon?

See my rare posting(makes me so much more sought after!) at Street Talk on the Sac bee website:

Posted by SaraSNichols at 7/7/2009 3:43 PM PDT on The Sacramento Bee
I have often noticed that Sacramento, California and Portland, Oregon share many geographic similarities. They are both situated in fertile agricultural valleys about 50 miles from the west coast and about 50 miles from a huge, beautiful mountain range. They are both at the confluence of two ...

How the Heck am I supposed to Vote on these Initiatives

See my post on the Sacramento Street Talk blog.

In time for Mother's Day: I'm America's Worst Mom

See my latest post on the Sacramento Bee's Street Talk (my posts have been run twice in the Bee's Sunday opinion section). I'm the World's Worst Mom.

4 snouts up for Everlasting Moments

(:)(:)(:)(:) snouts up for Everlasting Moments now playing at the Tower Theater in Sacramento.

We really only went to this film tonight because it was the only non Hollywood hell film with decent review playing at a normal time. (10:15pm for the only evening showing of The Class? C'mon Tower!)

It defied my nonexistent expectations. Billed as an "epic Swedish melodrama" one could really be in for it. What a reviewer might say is that this is a truly unique story clearly told from the perspective of the girl growing up in this turn of the (previous) century family with a philandering alcoholic tempermental father and a beautiful long suffering, artistic and industrious mother. The film is as much about the mother's limited choices as a mother of 4, no 5, no 6, no 7 children in that time as it is anything else.

Nonetheless, it held both our attention for the 2 plus hours with its closely observed story, beautiful cinematography and strong performances (beautiful yet credible actors too--very 3 dimensional characters and well-written, although admittedly my Swedish is not strong--the father while drunk and boorish is also charming and handsome and passionate, one can see how the mother might stay with him despite all; the mother while exploring her secret passion for photography and a particular photographer is also sensible and focussed)

See it while it lasts.

Snicholsblog takes to the Street!

It's been a long dry spell for Snicholblog. What with our son still recovering from his long term illness and me entering ministerial school in January, I haven't had a lot of extra time. But the Sacramento Bee's editor and columnist Dan Weintraub has coaxed me out of bloggerial retirement and into a new blog he's created at the Sac Bee called "Street Talk" which is meant to cover the word on the street in Sacramento. For technical reasons, I'm just blogging now on a regular Bee log-in but soon it'll be picked up by Street Talk. I'll keep you posted. Hope the link above works. Here's my first post:

Sutter Middle School at Risk?

As the mother of two students at Sutter Middle School (one in 7th, one in 8th grade), I am concerned at the School Board's proposal to split several hundred students and some teachers off and send them to Kit Carson Middle School.

Republicans in the state legislature have forced local school districts to make these kind of insane proposals because they put their insane taxation pledges and policies ahead of the needs of California's children. So school districts' budgets have been slashed, and everything is up for consideration.

Sutter Middle School is rare oasis of success and creativity in California/Sacramento public education. Several years back, a new principal took over a Sutter Middle School with a dwindling central city population and breathed new life into it by attracting top teachers from all over the city, mandating daily physical education and setting high standards for schoolwork, attendance and discipline.

The model worked. Today Sutter is over-enrolled and is top of the wish list for students all over the area who pray for the lottery to pick them through the "Open Enrollment" process.

Fortunately for us, our children are among the precious few who are actually in district for Sutter, a situation so rare the school registrar actually does a double-take when she sees such addresses.

So why mess with success? Kit Carson Middle School nearby apparently has way fewer students than it needs and might have to close. So Sacramento Unified thinks the obvious solution is to break up this successful school to try to infuse Carson with new students and teachers.

Seems pretty crazy to me. Why not bring in a new principal and a new model and re-do Carson from the ground up? Or, if it's not serving the population, maybe it should be closed.