2 Snouts Up for "You Kill Me"

(:)(:) for You Kill Me, directed by John Dahl (Red Rock West) and starring Ben Kingsley and Tea Leoni in theaters everywhere. First of all, haven't we had enough of the hit-man with a heart of gold genre? I know I have. I love The Sopranos tv series as much as, probably more than, the next guy, but it's got to stop.

Under no circumstances let your wanton love of the genre, or even, as in our case, your love of Buffalo and 12-step groups, to lead you to break down and see this absolute dog of a film. Nothing about this movie which centers on a "Buffalo" hit-man forced to move to San Franciso to enter a "12-step program" and meets a "girlfriend" works on any level.

The quotes above are used advisedly. I will address them in turn. First "Buffalo." I married a Buffalo boy, went to law school and lived here for 3 years. I'm in Buffalo now. The movie was filmed in Winnipeg where they managed to find a house and some snow that look like Buffalo. Ben Kingsley, however, is not even vaguely believable as a member of a tiny Buffalo "Polish" mafia. He doesn't look or sound Polish or Buffalo in any way. Nor do the other actors in the Polish gang. They don't even sound midwestern, or Great Lake-ish broadly defined. There is no sense of place created by any of the other unrealistic, sometimes downright Canadian-looking, outside shots.

Secondly, "12-step program." Traditions of anonymity prevent me from sharing all the reasons that I know this, but let's just say no 12-step program worth its salt would rally to help a man who kills people for a living stop drinking so that he can kill people better. Theoretically, it's a funny premise, but it works on NO level. My husband has never set foot in a 12-step meeting and found it ludicrous and stupid.

Thirdly, "girlfriend." It simply stretches credibility to the breaking point to assume that gorgeous (if thin) Tea Leoni, playing a successful television ad exec in San Francisco, would be so desperately lonely (because all men are gay) that she is reduced to dating a self-proclaimed drunken hit man who works part-time in a funeral home. There is no chemistry between them and while Leoni gamely makes the most of her lines and seems to have fun with this irredeemable script, nothing can rise above the basic idiocy of the plot.

If you're desperate for movies about hit men, watch Gross Pointe Blank (1997) starring John Cusack and Minnie Driver, directed by George Armitage, which was fresh and funny, despite its hellish premise. Or I give you permission to watch the over-rated and predictable, yet entertaining alternative, Analyze This (1999) starring Billy Crystal and Robert DeNiro directed by Harold Ramis which at least works on its own terms.