To thy own self, contain

If you know me at all, you know that I (ahem) used to be a control freak.  We're going to pretend that this is past tense.  We're going to pretend that I no longer need to have the illusion that people, places and things bend to my will.

Now you would think that even a control freak (recovered or not) would know that she could not control an ACT OF GOD like a raging forest fire which has cost $33 million to get 20 percent "contained"--but no one has yet found the price of getting my mind contained.

All week my family's cabin in Yosemite has been threatened by the so-called Rim Fire.  Last week, while I was 120 some miles away from this fire I had a backpacking trip in the Sierra near Tahoe heavily affected by smoke and ash from this fire.  Nevertheless, I've been under the illusion that my family's Labor Day weekend celebration in Yosemite (which I played a role in organizing) can take place 20 miles from this same fire with little disruption.

For several days, the efforts at fire and smoke containment have raged.  Sometimes my attempt to contain the fire has been in the form of prayer.  Sometimes my attempt to contain the fire has been in the form of questioning our plans and the plans of the 100th Anniversary of Foresta (the community in Yosemite in which  our family's home is).  Sometimes my attempt to contain has been in the form of resentment that I'm not getting my way (like that would help).

What I spent less time on is containing my mind.  As a result, at the end of the week, the fire is 20 % contained and my mind is only at about two percent.  If I had spent the time this week containing my mind instead of my fire the fire could rage on and I'd be fine.

Listening to Lake Margaret

Lake Margaret from my campsite

I just spent 2 night and 3 days up at Lake Margaret in the Sierra near Kirkwood, CA.  By myself.  Mostly.  My teenage daughter and her 3 friends were about a 5 minute walk away but I could see nor hear them (according to plan).    What I could see or hear was Lake Margaret.

I'm procrastinating right now writing a paper for a course I just took called Mind in the Cosmos taught by Dr. Christian de Quincey.  The course has inculcated in me a very real sense that there is consciousness and choice in every single particular particle of the universe, all the way down and all the way out.  de Quincey presented some astonishing material about how ancient shamans had "conversations" with different plants which revealed to them a detailed level of information about the plant which presaged by 100s of years in some cases, the discovery of DNA and the double helix.

So, as I sat there in the protracted thunderstorms Tuesday and hours of smoke and falling ash from the Yosemite fire Wednesday, I was shown to have a conversation with Lake Margaret herself.

Lake Margaret speaks softly as it turns out (and carries a lot of big sticks).  She is gorgeous and is made up of many constituent parts--in fact, on some level, Lake Margaret as an organism functions as sort of an elected representative in "the cosmic democracy" (as de Quincey puts it) of the trees, rocks, water, sky, clouds and animals that inhabit her district.   However in nature there is no carpetbagging.  Lake Margaret is both a representative of her many parts and she is herself the constituent--so perhaps I will call her a natural constituency.

As a recovering lobbyist, I am not used to listening to elected representatives.  They usually listen to me.  However, out of respect for her constituency, I went against type.

She said that she was happy to have me there.  She had no problem with any of my camping equipment except my Deet and my antibiotic hand stuff.  She didn't like the Deet but she was apoplectic about the antibiotic.  We had quite the dialogue about that.  I said that I couldn't wash my hands in her water (after certain events) without polluting her and the water that I would drink.  I said that I wanted to remain alive and well.  She guaranteed that while I was in her district if I would not use the antibiotic or the Deet, she would keep me mosquito free and safe from bacteria that could harm me.

This made me very nervous.  Why should I trust what some small high altitude lake was telling me over what modern science and medicine suggests?  What if our interests weren't the same?  What if it just wasn't that important to Lake Margaret that I be unharmed?  What if she cared more about her constituency than she did about me?  In short, what if Lake Margaret was lying?  Moreover, what if I really don't have ability to adequately discern what a lake was telling me, let alone rely on the promise to my possible detriment?  Where is a good shaman when you need one?

I frankly stated these concerns to her.  She listened and she said that I was right, there was more to this equation than just whether I stayed healthy.  She said that she had a lot of constituents but that I was now one of them and I had a vote too.  She reminded me that I loved her and that I visited her many times and that I would probably want what was best for the rest of the constituency too.  She said that the antibiotic ointment was like a very frightening weapon to them.  She asked me to vote for rubbing my hands in dirt vigorously and then washing my hands in water.

So that's what I did.

The Law of Hubris--it ALWAYS works (knock on wood)

I study spiritual laws because I'm a control freak.   Spiritual laws are really just like scientific laws.  They're about knowing why when I do this, this happens and when I do that, that happens.    In my 10 years of spiritual study I have learned about the law of attraction (focus on what you want, not what you don't want), the law of karma (you reap what you sow) but no one has ever really broken down for me the law of hubris.  In fact, I've never even heard it named.

Yet, everyone is familiar with this law.  We even have a superstitious action that goes with it:

We've all been there:

"Oh, my baby always sleeps through the night"

"this car has never given me a bit of trouble"

"People don't fire me, I quit"

Knock on wood

Hubris is defined as exaggerated pride or self-confidence

The Catholics have always been clear about the sin of pride--it is one.

12-steppers cultivate humility, certainly

Eckhart Tolle and the Buddhists (good name for a band?) would have us let go of "ego identification"

So it shouldn't be a surprise to me that when I brag, I receive a kwick karmic komeuppance (another band?)

I think the problem is I never think of these statements as bragging. I just think of them as the truth.  My baby did sleep through the night (until I said she did).  My car didn't give me trouble; people didn't fire me.  So what was the trouble?  How is that pride?  What the heck kind of problem does the universe have with such statements?  Does the baby wake up and the car break down just to show me whose boss?

I guess the least hubristic (and truest) answer is, I don't know.  I don't know why this particular instant feedback loop exists except that it serves well to remind me not to do it.

Maybe the reason "knock on wood" seems to work is that I'm really knocking on my own wooden skull that can't quite get it that I'm  not the center of the known world and that not everyone wants to hear me tell how much better my baby, my car and my employment history is than theirs.

Yesterday I told a sick friend, "don't worry, you can hug me.  I never get sick..."

Today I have a sore throat.