The connection between gratitude and happiness has been talked about and studied for years. Researchers at Harvard University fairly recently proved once again that a daily gratitude practice enhances people's perception of happiness. They specifically found that the gratitude practice yielded much more happiness if the person either wrote down what they were grateful or told someone else what they were grateful for. Just thinking about it in their heads was much less impactful.
About 13 years ago, I entered a new level of willingness to change my thinking and change my life. A mentor at that time suggested that I write down 20 things every day that I am grateful for. That seemed a tall order. 20? Couldn't it be five or ten? She said 20 so I did 20. It got worse. She said it needed to be 20 things that happened THAT day and were specific to that day. Like not every day "I'm grateful for my health, my husband my kids," oh no that was too easy. It was supposed to be like "I'm grateful for the surge of energy I felt as I lifted in my arms in the warrior pose in my yoga class, how my husband took the compost out today, that my son texted me something that acknowledged that he existed"--like that.
They say it takes 30-40 consecutive days of doing anything to establish a habit. Sure enough, within 2 months of writing 20 things a day that I am grateful for, I was hooked. Gratitude practice is now at the level of teeth-brushing in my life. I just do it. No thought goes into planning where or when or how. I do it every night right before I switch over to reading 3 pages of the book on my nightstand and falling asleep.
Over time, I've noticed some key things about this practice:
1) In order to rattle off 20 things in short order (it takes me about 2 minutes max), I have to pay attention all day to what is going right, rather than what is going wrong. This is probably the single biggest gift of this practice and the 20 unique things part. All day long I'm looking for that beautiful tree, the kindness of strangers, the tiny miracles of life. I have a MUCH better day as a result.
2) This practice helps me get a good night's sleep.
3) Even if I felt like I had a sucky day and couldn't find much to be grateful for, this practice works. When there's something "bad" that is preoccupying me, I sit there and mine it for gratitude. If I'm sick, what can I be grateful for about being sick (I have health insurance, I don't have to go work, I have a warm house)? If I have a flat tire, I can be grateful that I had a car, that I had AAA, that I had a cell phone, that I'm safe. If I had a conflict with a family member, what do I love about them? (sometimes I have to fake like 15 things I'm grateful for about a family member before I feel a shift but suddenly at #16 I actually feel grateful).
The linchpin of the type of affirmative prayer we do at the Centers for Spiritual Living is gratitude. Dr. Joe Dispenza says that "emotional signature of gratitude means the event has already occurred." This means that when we shift our body's vibration to gratitude it is an attractive force that brings to us what we want.
Revs. Melissa Phillippe and Z Egloff created a nightly practice they call "the Magic Five" where in addition to being grateful for what has already manifested, they are grateful for five things that they want to bring into their life in the future. They say those gratitudes as if the thing they want is already here.
Here are five the things I'm grateful for today:
- That I'm physically able today to cook a thanksgiving feast for my family (the past 2 years I wasn't)
- That it rained in Sacramento yesterday and washed away the smoke
- That our meditation garden was finally planted yesterday, JUST before the rains came
- That our daughter Emily is home for the holiday for the first time in 5 years (she has been on the east coast at college and now lives in California)
- That my mother is safe, alive and reasonably happy
And here are five things that I don't see yet, but I am grateful for their occurrence in the future:
- That we have a president of the United States who is competent and respects all people
- That I can go all the way back in the camel and fix-firm postures in Bikram Yoga
- That I am handsomely paid for spiritual work
- That I have written a book I am proud of
- That I see all people as whole, perfect and complete and heroes on their own journey
Happy Thanksgiving, Y'all--what are you grateful for (now and in the future)?
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